Commander Chakotay To The Rescue!
by Caffey
Summary: [J/C] Just what is the proper behavior for a captain? Janeway wouldn't know as she is just a tad bit too insane for that...


Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager™© is the registered trademark and sole property of Paramount Pictures. This story is non-commercial and for enjoyment only. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Unproofed, but hopefully readable. This one's for Kadi just because.

Rated: PG

Commander Chakotay to the Rescue! 

by Caffey

****

"You've got to be kidding me, Kathryn!" The mere thought of what her proposal entailed sent shivers up and down Chakotay's spine. His eyes involuntarily shifted to the ready room doors.

****

That didn't go by unnoticed.

****

Kathryn watched his face distort and did what seemed most appropriate in her current predicament. "Computer, engage privacy lock."

****

Chakotay wasn't intimidated. Raising his left eyebrow at her, he instructed the computer to disengage the lock.

"Unable to comply." 

Now he was. 

Fear threatened to shut down his mind. He had been in enough similar situations to be able to predict that, in the end, he would do what she wanted. He always did. No matter what he tried avoiding it, he always ended up agreeing with her. Worse yet, he never noticed at which point she managed to change his mind. One moment, he was telling her in no uncertain terms that she was wrong. In the next, he congratulated her on her brilliant idea. It was as if she had the ability to brainwash him. And the only possible avoidance had just been taken away from him. 

"Computer," Chakotay tried one more time in desperation. "Unlock doors. Autherization Chakotay-Omega-Zero-Five-Eight." 

"Unable to comply. Level 9 clearance is required." 

Level 9. As in Captain only. Figures. 

He glared at Kathryn. "I will not do it. Lock me up all you want, but I won't agree. Hell, I'll even disobey a direct order if necessary, but I refuse to get involved in this." His voice had risen with every uttered syllable, and he was now pacing the length of the ready room, gaining speed with every completed cycle. Then he stopped all of a sudden, as a thought struck him. "Have you run out of replicator rations?" he asked. "That's about the only thing I can think of that would explain your behavior. Temporary insanity is one of the by-products of caffeine-deprivation, or so I've heard." 

"Now hold on, Chakotay. Just hold on. You're living quite dangerously right now." Kathryn had been silently watching his efforts to walk a hole in her carpet from her place on the edge of the desk. It had required a lot of patience on her part to stay silent. Patience, which she had run out of by now. "I'll have you know that I'm perfectly sane." 

She was rewarded with an incredulous stare. 

"Yeah, right," Chakotay snorted. "That's why you came up with this terrifying idea. And that you're trying to pull me into this only comfirms my theory." 

Kathryn rolled her eyes at that. Men could be so stupid. Half of them were testosterone filled black holes that sucked in anything remotely female within their reach. The other half, her First Officer obviously among them, were just clueless. She really didn't know what he'd ever do without her to guide him. 

"You'd better not said that." 

The sudden sinister note to his voice caused her head to snap up. Had she really said that aloud? Kathryn was so hoping she hadn't. Tell a man the truth about his kind and he'll freak out. His brain just wasn't built to comprehend the complex nature of a woman's point of view. 

One look at his clouded over face dashed her hopes, though. "Oops." 

Chakotay's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Oops? All you have to say is 'oops'?" 

Uh-oh, wrong answer. 

"I'm sorry?" Kathryn offered, smiling ruefully. Slowly, she slid off her desk. No need to present an easy target. 

Chakotay obviously wasn't in the mood to accept a sincere apology. Cautiously approaching her, he kept his eyes fixed on her. There was a maniacal gleam in them that made her uneasy. She figured she had better get far, far away from him, and soon, if she loved her life. Seeking refuge behind her desk, Kathryn used her best no-nonsense tone of voice. "Look, I shouldn't have said that, okay? And I'm sorry. Really, I am." 

He wasn't listening. "Did you or did you not say that I'd be lost without your guidance?" 

Apparently, it was one of those days. He would keep harping on this until he got a satisfying answer. 

"Well, did you?" he repeated. Chakotay was be no means yelling, or even rising his voice for that matter. Still, his tone made her nervous. And he was still approaching her. 

Kathryn sighed in defeat. "I did, but-" 

"Let me get this straight," he interrupted. "You ordered me to report to your ready room. Then you tried to pull me into this stupid plan of yours. When you realized that I've got a backbone, you locked me up. And to top things off, you insulted me." Having reached her desk, Chakotay rested his hands on its surface, mimicking her posture. Their noses were only mere inches apart. "Give me one good reason not to wring your neck." 

"Only I can disengage the privacy lock?" 

Chakotay groaned and slumped into the chair behind him, banging his head on her desk, repeatedly. She really could test his patience like no one else could. She always had to have a witty remark. 

And she had a point, dammit. As much as Chakotay hated to admit it, even to himself, she had a point this time. 

"Besides, it's not a stupid plan." 

Did he really detect a touch of defiance in her voice? When he risked a glace at her face, he received confirmation. Her crinkled brows and firmly set jaw spoke volumes. "You're right." 

"I've thought it through and thr-" Then the words began to sink in, rendering Kathryn unable to continue for just a scant moment. "I'm right?" 

"Yes. It's not a stupid plan." 

"Then why did you-" 

"It's the most stupid plan ever!" Unable to stay put any longer, Chakotay got up and headed for her replicator. The way this conversation was going, he needed something strong. Like coffee. Klingon coffee. Extra strong. 

"Okay," Kathryn grumbled. "So tell me, what's your problem?" 

His back toward her, he stiffened. Breathing very slowly, deliberately, he ordered coffee from the replicator, triple strong, before he finally turned to face her. 

Kathryn almost took pity on him. The man looked as if he was about to commit suicide, if the despair in his eyes was any indication. 

Inhaling deeply, Chakotay said, "Kathryn, listen to me... You cannot go around spacing people. No matter how badly they screw up, it's not proper for a captain to space their crew on purpose." 

"But ... but ... " 

"No 'but,'" he told her sternly. "It's not Neelix's fault that his last coffee substitute didn't go well with the chocolate ice cream you've had before." She opened her mouth to protest, but he interrupted her before she could get past inhaling. "I said listen. What part of 'listen' didn't you understand? As for Neelix, think about the consequences of getting rid of him." 

"No coffee substitute anymore? No barely edible food that does nothing for your taste buds?" 

"I was talking about the negative consequences here." 

"Name only one and I'll reconsider." She came closer. 

He didn't notice. "Tuvok." 

"I'm not following you here." Then she snatched the coffee cup away from him before he got a chance to take a single sip. 

Sighing, Chakotay ordered a new one. Quatruple strong. "Neelix keeps our resident Vulcan busy. Well, annoyed, but that's exactly my point. Now what would happen to us if Neelix weren't around anymore?" 

"Oh, darn ... " He had a point. Occasionally, that happened. 

Facing the viewport, her shoulders slumped down. "There goes my plan." 

Chakotay put his untouched cup in the recycle bin, and walked up to her. 

Placing his hands on her shoulders, he applied only so much pressure as to maneuver her towards the doors. "It's all right," he whispered soothingly into her ear. "There's always the holodeck. And with the safety protocols turned off, it's almost as good as the real thing." The End 

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Story copyrighted © 2001 by Jana "Caffey" Prillwitz


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